I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
so let's talk penis.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
