they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
my vag is so smooth its legendary
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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