I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
