but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
