It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
