I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
