I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
