im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
