he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
