I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
