I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
