So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
