I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
