i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
A bitchslap is in order.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
