i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
