I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
