Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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