Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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