I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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