Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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