It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
