I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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