are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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