i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
