Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I should be sponsored by Trojan
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
