What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
