hell yes lets make some ravioli
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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