even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
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