i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
