he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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