can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
i think im in europe. pls send help
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
