She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
