i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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