You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
