he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
