just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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