I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
