Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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