is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
