i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
