Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
