$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
