I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
