so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
