Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
