Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
