you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Someone shit on the floor
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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