Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
