Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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