I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
