He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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