I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
