so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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