My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
