My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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